My inner monologue

So I've noticed some things about my inner monologue when reading poorly-written prose:

• If someone misuses the word 'to' in place of 'too', my internal meter speeds up to accommodate the missing 'o'.

  What's up? Oh not to much.

• Whenever someone writes in all capital letters, I shout the entire sentence to myself

  HEY TEEJAY HOW'S IT GOING? I'M GOOD LOVE AUNT SHERRY

• When someone uses the possessive pronoun "your" in place of the contraction "you're," I want to give my eyeballs paper cuts with acid blotter paper.

  Boy I bet your glad I took that English class!

• And finally, when someone does all three at once, I write blog posts like this one!

  YOUR REALLY GREAT AND WE SHOULD HANG OUT TO!